But for many couples, the pursuit of these goals is unrealistic and rather than look for them all in a partner, people could benefit from outsourcing some of them to other members of their social network.
Dr Finkel says as well as re-calibrating and decreasing the amount we ask out of our partner in a marriage we need to try and spend more quality time with them.
'The idea of the book is that the changing nature of our expectations of marriage have made more marriages fall short of expectations, and therefore disappoint us', Dr Finkel said.'But they have put within reach the fulfilment of a new set of goals that people weren’t even trying to achieve before.'These days Dr Finkel argues many people are looking for partners that make them feel sexy, competent, ambitious and aspirations.
But for many couples, the pursuit of these goals is unrealistic and rather than look for them all in one partner, people could benefit from outsourcing some of them to other members of their social network.'It turns out that people who have more diversified social portfolios, that is, a larger number of people that they go to for different sorts of emotions, those people tend to have overall higher-quality life', said Dr Finkel.'This is one of the arguments in favour of thinking seriously about looking to other people to help us, or asking less of this one partner.'There’s no shame at all in thinking of ways that you can ask less.
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Professor of social psychology at Northwestern University, Eli Finkel, says it's no longer enough to marry a nice-enough man or woman - people are expecting their partners to be everything to them.
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