There were plenty of things I was self-conscious about — skinny legs, big feet, little ass, etc. After a mastectomy there is no breast tissue left to augment. But you don’t feel or look anything like a “Beauty Queen Barbie” or even a “Soccer Coach Barbie.” Not one little bit. There’s only skin and muscle to stretch enough to create a pocket in which to an implant. But there I was, perusing OKCupid under an alias with a direct reference to a Bob Dylan song, hell-bent on dating. It may have been bad timing but swiftly after telling him my cancer was in my breast, he up and left.I hadn’t intended to talk about my breasts on my first date, and it seemed he was just as reluctant to hear about them!‘Finding oneself back on the “dating scene” later in life is challenging for anyone.But missing one breast means I’m incredibly nervous about the idea of a new man seeing my body.
But after the breakup of my marriage shortly before my diagnosis, I missed being close to someone.
To be honest, it’s pretty weird to look back on it now… And I keep thinking (even as I’m writing this) why wasn’t I?
My body confidence wasn’t all that great even before the mastectomy. What a lot of people don’t know is that while plastic surgeons can do some pretty amazing things with implants, reconstructive surgery after a mastectomy is very different from having a regular “boob job” on real breasts. I’ve heard other cancer survivors call them “Barbie boobs.” So yeah, kind of like that but with scars.
My pecs don’t define me, but within society, men who do not have a nice chest area are frowned upon. I would love to see a woman’s face when I remove my shirt.
There’s a cancer survivor dating site that sounds very interesting: I used to be self-conscious about my body after cancer. We men feel the same as women when it comes to our bodies, by the way. Can you imagine, me having these emojis as a replacement where my nipples used to be?
Most of all I worry about what point to raise the topic.