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Invariably, we yearn for perfection but are stuck with an imperfect human being.

We all fall in love with people we think will deliver us from life's wounds but who wind up knowing how to rub against us.

The Torontonian, a policy analyst for the Ottawa government, blamed his wife.

"We both thrive on touch," says Sarah, "so we set our alarm a half hour early every morning and take that time to cuddle." They've been married for 14 years.

It takes a comfortable sense of self and deliberate effort to make relationships commodious enough to tolerate such differences.

It's extremely raw." What to do when the initial attraction sours?

"I call it the first day of your real marriage," Real says.

"She just didn't appreciate all I was doing to make her happy." He fed the babies, and he changed their diapers.

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