Dating dames for the ladies

As an expat, you’ll get away with standing up to them, and using a little humor always goes down well. If you’re from London, and a Dutch woman tells you the name of what she says is THE coolest club in the city, don’t politely point out to her that the place she’s referring to has been closed down for several years, and is in fact used as an old peoples home. Dutch women, are used to dating Dutch men, whose deep and passionate love of money is legendary.

A key thing I’ve learned about Dutch women is that they’re always right. I was watching the Dutch news earlier this week where an entire town will be without gas for the next few days.

Think of Homer’s odyssey (not Simpson), Dr Richard Kimble’s quest to find the one armed man in the Fugitive, or attempting to join the SAS.

These are all childs play when compared with finding and keeping a Dutch woman.

If several men are together, Dutch women, through a series of shouting, rudeness, and intimidation, will eventually home in on the man most likely to carry their shopping bags for them at Albert Heijn in the near future.

They’ll persist until their chosen victim has turned into a lump of quivering jelly.

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As Grandmaster Flash once said in the song White Lines, ‘don’t, don’t, don’t do it! Even after 10 years in the land of deep fried cuisine, I still can’t break the habit of opening doors for women.The Shallow Man has even started a counselling group called ‘Dutch women survivors’ for expat men who have been shot down in flames when attempting to approach Dutch women.My group also helps men who were in failed relationships with the most unapproachable women in Europe.The Netherlands is full of expat men, whose confidence has been shattered due to their experiences in attempting to date Dutch women.Previously I provided some holiday season advice on dating Dutch women which many of my fellow expats appear to have ignored at their peril.If, as is highly likely you’re not paying attention, and she says “Who does Anouk think she is wearing such tight jeans, I think they were too tight.” Don’t whatever you do, agree with her, or make a comment such as, “yes her butt looks as if it’s attempting to stage a prison break from her jeans.” This will only earn you comments such as “What!!!

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